


How the Exorcist Should Have Ended

by LestradeIsBae



Category: The Exorcist (1973), The Exorcist - William Peter Blatty
Genre: Crack, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27177346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LestradeIsBae/pseuds/LestradeIsBae
Summary: Lol wtf is happnin here guys. Our priesty bois Dimmy and Merrin the dude are tryin mighty hard to exorcise our gal Regan MacNeil, but oopsydoodle it aint workin out too good. Let's see wat happens now. The original ending sucks bad so this is my version based on my naughty naughty dreams. Yes, I actually dream this stuff lol haha. Damien is my saucy sausage btw I luv him.
Relationships: Joseph Dyer/Damien Karras
Comments: 1





	How the Exorcist Should Have Ended

**Author's Note:**

  * For [charlesleeray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlesleeray/gifts).



> I think I was drunk when I dreamed this up. 
> 
> Damien Karras is my dream man.

Dark day it were init. Daddy Damien Carrot and Daddy Lancaster Merlin were being priesty bois and trying to exercise a demon in Regan Macneil. She had gone right syco. Anyways, these 2 priesty bois were not doin such a great job, and our boy Dimmy was getting right triggered by silly goose Pazuzu (dats the demon btw)

Dimmy boi was about to start cryin (he did that a lot, he needs a cuddle) so Merrin our G was trying to think of good plan. He thought about fortnite and how much he luvs it even though it is 1973 and it don’t exist yet. I have a challenge for u Merrin said to Pazuzu. Wat’s dat? Pazuzu in Regan’s body replied, like he did when he saws the holy water dat was actually a tap water. My challenge is for u to dance battle us Merrin said. He forgot he had a dodgy ticker and this would probably make him go bye bye. Very well said Pazuzu. 

Daddy Damien went to the corner and started to floss. He was an accomplished flosser and often did it in his tiktok videos. His fave song to do on tiktok was Cannibal. He had many a fan and was part of the hype house with Charli D’amelio. A club remix of tubular bells started playing and Damien flossed a lot while sayin ‘the power of Christ compels you’. It was pretty saucy and Merrin wanted to break his celibacy vows but he knew Dimmy boi was already claimed by Joe Dyer the little pixie. Merrin did the whip and nae nae and then started doin the worm across the floor. The way his elderly priest body rolled on the floor made Damien thirsty for some Robinson’s Refreshed TM. “Good Lord, father, your moves are on fleek” Damien said to Merlin in a posh English accent. 

Pazuzu started to do the Best Mates dance like Marlon Webb our G. It looked right creepy kinda like a monkey. Then Merrin realised he had heart problems and fell. Our boy Dimmy was like Noooo and did some really bad CPR even though he was a doctor so should know how to do it. Anyway since this is alternate ending our boi Merrin comes back to life. Damien started twerking in the corner and Pazuzu had a seizure because it was so bad. Pazuzu said fuk this and decided to leave. 

Regan woke up and didn’t know who the priesty bois were in her room so she shouted helpppp. Chris ran up the stairs. OMG DID EXORCISM WORK she said. Yeh said Damien. He went to see Joe Dyer who was in a bath of lemon drops that he stole from the mouths of children confessing their sins. He was eating them up even though they had saliva of kids on them, but he didn’t careth cos he wanted lemon drops so bad. Let’s quit priesthood together Joe Joe Damien said. Ok said Joe.


End file.
